internal monologue while I run a firmware update on my coffee mug

Me: 6:30pm is not too late to drink coffee
Me: It is if I have to download and set up an app.
Me: Why would my coffee mug need location services enabled?
Me: Because I abandon my coffee ALL the time and cannot find it.
Me: But that’s because it gets cold? And it will never get cold again?
Me: Maybe so it will know that I’m American and don’t know how to make tea correctly.
Me: Wait why would my coffee mug need to access my contacts.
Me: To warn them.
Me: I already have an app that alerts people that I’ve had too much caffeine, it’s SMS IN ALL CAPS.